22-year-old girlfriend scolds 22-year-old boyfriend for spending $360 on 18 gallons of grape juice: 'She said I can’t spend that type of money without first discussing it with her.'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Sep 27, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

Is he spending too much, or is she being too controlling? 

It doesn't matter how much money you bring home: it's essential to keep a budget. I'm not one of those people who writes out exactly how much I'm going to spend on every expense, though that's probably the most optimal way to budget. I subtract savings, investments, rent, and utilities from my monthly income, then divide what's left by the number of days in a month. This gives me a daily spending limit. This system isn't perfect, as I often spend more on food than I should, but it works for me for now. It's much better than what I was doing before, which was barely saving anything and just making sure I didn't go below a certain number in my checking account. 

If you're keeping some sort of budget, you know it's not inherently nefarious to spend money on something you want. If you have enough money to buy new clothes every month, you can include that in your budget and feel confident you aren't using your grocery money on an unnecessary item. Every single one of us spends money on something you don't technically "need." If you ever go to Happy Hour, you're spending money on something that you don't need. Somebody else might think that's frivolous, but to you, that might be worth the $15 you spend. 

When you're a single adult, nobody can tell you what to do with your money. You could spend most of your disposable income on mochi, and nobody could tell you not to. It might not be a great idea, but you're free from your mom telling you not to and your spouse telling you not to.

When you're dating somebody, and you're not yet married, they really don't have a right to tell you how to spend your money. The woman in this story doesn't understand that; she's trying to control how her boyfriend spends his disposable income. 

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  • Grape juice
    via RISHABH CHAUHAN

    Glasses of grape juice.

    Stock photography for depiction only.

  • Am I the bad guy for spending $360 on 18 gallons of grape juice without telling my girlfriend?

    I (M22) have been thinking about making wine for 2 years now and have set my heart to it. This summer i really became adamant about doing it so i asked my grandpa what i need to know. He told me the basics and even gave me one of his
    via u/Pressure_Plastic
  • damigiana (a big 54 L carboy). So yesterday i was coming home from somewhere and found a supplier and stopped. Since it's a seasonal item, he had the juice in stock so i got 6 gallon pails of Cabernet
    via u/Pressure_Plastic
  • Sauvignon juice. While looking I also got a pail of white grape juice, so 24 gallons total I brought them home and set them up in the kitchen for now so they can do there primary fermentation before i bring them into my cellar
    via u/Pressure_Plastic
  • for secondary fermentation and aging So my gf (F22) surprised me with a visit yesterday and saw the juice pails in the kitchen, she kind of went off on me saying i can't he spending that type of money without first
    via u/Pressure_Plastic
  • discussing it with her. she found it a red flag of irresponsibility and poor communication I did respond saying it was my money, my bank account, my house and my desire. I didn't do anything that put me at risk, I didn't
    via u/Pressure_Plastic
  • do anything that could cost me my car or mortgage or anything. It's something i wanted to do. She seemed to have cooled off today but she still believes I should've asked her first before throwing that type of money on
    via u/Pressure_Plastic
  • something that she calls "crazy" and "useless" So AITAH?
    via u/Pressure_Plastic
  • Let_em_glow927 If you don't live together or share expenses, then no, NTA. Adults don't tell other adults how to spend their time or money.
    via u/Let_em_glow927
  • Cmndr_Cunnilingus I agree completely. Might be different if they were married or lived together but this screams entitlement. If I was OP I'd be expecting an apology and failing that the nature of the relationship would change.
    via u/Cmndr_Cunnilingus
  • Kendertas Girlfriend was already planning on how OP should spend that money on her, and that's why she was upset. Like I'm pretty sure wine fermenting is 1 to 1, and the juice is the only real input cost, so OP essentially spent < $400 on 24 gallons of wine which really ain't too shabby. Works out to about $2.75 per standard bottle
    via u/Kendertas
  • Over_Screen_442 Does she ask you for permission before buying shoes or cloths or jewelry? Before getting a phone or laptop? Before buying something for one of her hobbies?
    via u/Over_Screen_442
  • MeButNotMeToo Of course not. That would make OP controlling. Plus, she buys make-up, shoes, clothes, etc for him.
    via u/MeButNotMeToo
  • Flat-Replacement4828 NTA. Honestly, her saying that is a huge red flag. Why does she think she gets a say in any of this? Like, the only thing I could think of is if y'all lived together and were expecting her to just deal with 24 gallons of juice set out in the kitchen lol
    via u/Flat-Replacement4828
  • mrxsdcuqr7x284k6 Agree. I would respond with: "If you think I need your permission to spend my own money, I see that as a major red flag for this relationship."
    via u/mrxsdcuqr7x284k6
  • S_Mahmud Whoa she, your wife? Your mother? NTA.
    via u/S_Mahmud
  • WifeofBath 1984 I was gonna be like "hey! I'm a wife and i would never!". But no, thats not true. I'd freak out at 7 gallons of grape juice lining my kitchen counters.
    via u/WifeofBath1984
  • Pressure_Plastic OP she claimed that it's red flag for the future. that if i'm this "irresponsible" with money now.... what would a possible marriage look like?
    via u/Pressure_Plastic
  • lukibunny I think the possible future is you married a nicer women.
    via u/lukibunny
  • Over_Screen_442 People spend a few hundred bucks on a hobby all the time. As long as it's within your budget, who cares?
    via u/Over_Screen_442
  • InspectorDapper8012 You are 22 with a mortgage and a house with a cellar? If this is real, and your girlfriend is concerned about your ability to handle money, I think she can chill out.
    via u/InspectorDapper8012
  • Pressure Plastic OP it was my parents house that got inherited to me. i just assumed the mortgage and everything. idk if that really counts tbh now that i think of it.
    via u/Pressure_Plastic

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boyfriend spending money grape juice grapes relationships girlfriend ferment juice money toxic relationship budget
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